Mary Sue Goes to Middle-Earth
by Nikkianna
Summary: A parody of Mary Sue stories. Read at your own risk. No flames, thanks, we're getting along quite fine without them here.


Reposting this because fanfic.net deleted all my stories for some reason.  
  
A/N: I don't get it... How do these people who haven't read the books pull off writing fan fictions? Anyway, here's my little Mary Sue fic gone bad. I'm basically writing this as I go, but I'm pretty sure almost everyone's going to be either dead or suicidal by the end. Enjoy! R/R! No flames, we're quite hot enough already, thanks. Written with the help of my slightly insane friend who thinks she knows more about Lord of the Rings than me, but doesn't.  
  
  
  
Mary Sue Goes to Middle Earth  
  
  
  
Mary Sue had long, straight blond hair and sparkling green eyes. She had a slender build, and was tall, but not too tall. She wore tight blue jeans which flared a bit at the bottom, a pink tank top, and blue sketchers running shoes. She was walking down a street in her neighborhood, when she came to a conveniently placed door in the side of a brick wall.  
  
"Well hmm..." she said, while pondering whether or not to open it and step inside. It was essential to the 'plot' that she did, but maybe she'd just pretend to think about it for a while, as if everyone reading her story didn't know what was going to happen anyway.  
  
She placed her hand on the doorknob and turned. She stepped inside the dimly lit room and was instantly transported to Middle Earth! Bet you didn't see that coming!  
  
Mary Sue glanced around at her surroundings and was apparently not the least bit worried that she was inexplicably now in a totally different world. The forest around her was beautiful and lush, in the midst of summer. A stream gurgled quietly to her left and birds sang their melodic songs. Everything was perfect. She sighed happily.  
  
After resting for a while against a tree trunk, she decided to get up and look around a bit more. After all, she had no idea where she was, and it was getting dark. Water wasn't a problem, but she couldn't see any food source nearby.  
  
After walking for about a half an hour, she came across a campsite. And low and behold, there by the fire was the Elven Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas! Mary Sue approached him, and he gasped when he saw her. Never before, not even in the halls of his father, had he beheld an elf or woman alike so fair. It was love at first sight.  
  
"Hello," he said. "My name's Legolas. Who are you?" Obviously not caring, because she was beautiful, and he was apparently in love, and she could be the dark lord himself, and he wouldn't mind too much.  
  
"My name's Mary Sue," she said. "I was transported into your world by accident, but I'm not the least bit upset about it. Somehow, I happen to know that you're the Prince of Mirkwood. Are you by any chance planning a trip to the Undying Lands in the West?"  
  
"Yes," replied Legolas, not being able to take his eyes off her.  
  
That was when Mary Sue realised she had become an elf, and was going to the Undying Lands as well. "Well I'm going there too," she said. "Let's travel together!"  
  
And Legolas, being a little too infatuated for his own good, agreed. "But," he said, "we have to stop by at the Shire first. I have to visit some friends before I leave."  
  
Mary Sue agreed to this, as she was eager to see all the neat little hobbits at the Shire. They travelled for many long days, and all the time Legolas yearned for Mary Sue more and more, and she was apparently indifferent.  
  
When they finally reached the Shire, it was a rainy late August day. They knocked on Frodo's door, and surprisingly he opened it. It is surprising, taking into account that Frodo left for the Undying Lands at the end of the series, and Legolas didn't follow until many, MANY years later.  
  
"Legolas! Come in, come in!" Frodo exclaimed. Legolas and Mary Sue entered the hobbit hole and followed Frodo to the kitchen where they all sat sipping tea.  
  
"So," said Frodo, "who's this you've got with you?"  
  
"I'm Mary Sue," said Mary Sue. "I'm from modern times. I was accidently transported into your world through a door in a brick wall. I'm an elf now. I'm going to the Undying Lands with Legolas."  
  
"You're going to the Undying Lands?" said Frodo. "I've been wanting to go there for a long time. Maybe I should come with you!"  
  
"Come with us!" said Legolas. "We'd be glad to have you along!"  
  
And Mary Sue smiled and nodded.  
  
So the two elves and the hobbit set out the next day when the sun was shining, for the Undying Lands in the West, not noticing that they were being followed in the shadows along side the road.  
  
On the third morning of their journey, Frodo noticed something strange and said to his companions, "I think we're being followed in the shadows along side the road..."  
  
"Leave this to me," said Mary Sue. "I can do anything." She took out her bow and arrow and went to investigate. "Ah ha!" she exclaimed. "A hobbit and a girl from Bree!"  
  
Indeed, a hobbit and a girl from Bree stumbled out of the shadows along side the road. The girl from Bree didn't look pleased. "How'd you know I was from Bree?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"I'm Mary Sue," was the reply. "I know everything."  
  
"Well that's great," said the girl. "We'll just be going now. C'mon Willi!" She grabbed the hobbit and set off through the forest."  
  
"Wait!" Frodo called. "Come back! Where're you going?"  
  
The girl stomped back, dragging the hobbit along with her. "If you must know, we're going to the Undying Lands in the West! Satisfied?"  
  
"You can't go to the Undying Lands," laughed Mary Sue. "You're not elves and you weren't ring bearers."  
  
"Want to bet?" The girl smirked. "When I was two and a half, and Willi here was one, Bilbo let us play with his ring at his going away party. He let us both put it on for a bit, which makes us ring bearers!"  
  
Mary Sue frowned, a facial gesture she was not used to. In fact, no one had ever seen her frown, even once. Legolas was so afraid, he tried to (unsuccesfully) hide behind Frodo.  
  
"Just who are you?" Mary Sue attempted to regain her perfect smile.  
  
"I'm Angaavariel from Bree, and this is Willi, and he's from Bree too."  
  
"What kind of a name is Angaavariel? It sounds elvish. You're not an elf. I am. I'm Mary Sue."  
  
"It is an elvish name. I'm one quarter elf, and I don't care who you are."  
  
"How can you be one quarter elf? That's not possible."  
  
"Yes it is. My Grandmother had an affair with an elf who had a bad reputation. In turn, my mother was concieved, and she was half elf. Then she got married to my father, who was all human, and I was born."  
  
"Ah..." said everyone.  
  
"Well," said Frodo, "if you're going to the West, why don't you just come with us?"  
  
"Fine," said Angaavariel. "As long as you can keep her away from me." She glared at Mary Sue.  
  
So Frodo, Legolas, Mary Sue, Angaavariel, and the silent hobbit Willi set out for the Undying Lands in the West. All was going relatively well, until the *cue dramatic music* the infamous confrontation in the night!  
  
The Infamous Confrontation in the Night  
  
Legolas woke up and rubbed his eyes. It must have been about midnight, and the rest of his companions were still asleep. All except Mary Sue. She was sitting by the fire, apparently waiting for him. He crept over and sat down beside her.  
  
"Hi," he said.  
  
"Hi," she said.  
  
And there was silence for a long time, but the two were gazing into each other's eyes.  
  
"You have beautiful eyes." said Legolas.  
  
"I know." said Mary Sue.  
  
"I'm in love with you, Mary Sue," said Legolas, leaning closer.  
  
"How could you not be?" Mary Sue smirked.  
  
This minute conversation resulted in an episode of overly dramatic passionate kissing, necking, and things you generally wouldn't want the kiddies to be witness to. After about five minutes, the story looked like it was going in the direction of a really bad NC 17 Mary Sue fic, but luckily at that Moment Angaavariel woke up.  
  
Angaavariel woke up and rubbed her eyes, much like Legolas had before her. It was dark and she couldn't see clearly, but she thought she could make out the forms of two people kissing passionatly by the fire. She yawned and stretched before she realised who it was.  
  
Mary Sue and Legolas.  
  
And plan formed in her mind. Her relationship with Mary Sue had been growing steadily worse since the day they met, and the thought of having to spend all of eternity with her breathing down her neck was too much for her. It would be better to just be rid of her now.  
  
She snuck over to couple as quietly as her 1/4 elven feet would take her and raised her knife in the dark. Unfortunatly at that moment the moon peeped out behind a cloud and the steel blade glinted in the light. Mary Sue shrieked and rolled off Legolas. Angaavariel cursed quietly and slunk away.  
  
Things continued like this for the next few nights. Mary Sue and Legolas having their little sessions by the fire, Angaavariel attempting murder, and the moon or something else catching her off guard at the most inopportune times. Still, she was not discouraged.  
  
Seven days later, her luck changed. Seven days later, they came to the infamous crack in the earth.  
  
The Infamous Crack in the Earth  
  
  
  
Mary Sue gazed down at it whilst clinging to Legolas' arm. "What do you think it is?" she murmered.  
  
Legolas shrugged. "It looks like an infamous crack in the earth to me. It must go right to the core, or maybe all the way through. See, if you look closely, you can see the lava spurting around down there.  
  
Mary Sue shivered, even though hot gusts of air were being shot up through the crack in the earth.  
  
As soon as Mary Sue had her back turned, Angaavariel siezed the opportunity. She ran at her, and with all her force, shoved her into the crack, tottering on the edge herself.  
  
Mary Sue fell down, down, down, shrieking all the way. She fell until she was lost from sight. Angaavariel caught her breath and turned to face the other travellers. "I've been wanting to do that for a very long time."  
  
Legolas sat down on the ground and sobbed. He had lost his only one true love. His life was over. What was worth living for? He would sit there for the rest of eternity, and cry and cry, and be pitied by all who came apon him, but he wouldn't be moved. He sit there, crying, forever.  
  
But Angaavariel had other plans. Placing an arrow in her bow, she aimed and shot with all the force she could muster. Legolas was pierced through the head, and died only after and long, heart wrenching wail of pain.  
  
Angaavariel dusted off her hands and turned to the survivors. "Sorry, he was really starting to annoy me."  
  
Frodo screamed in rage and jumped at her, but she managed to hold him off, and thrust him into the crack in the earth. He fell silently to his doom.  
  
It was then that Angaavariel's own actions struck her. It was then that she realised what she had done. She had killed three innocent people, and why? Because she was discontent. Because she was ashamed of her Grandmother, of her heritage. Because she didn't want to live, so they couldn't either.  
  
She went to the infamous crack in the earth and stared down. It didn't look so bad. Better than life at the top, at least. Without a yell or a tear, she cast herself over the edge and was lost.  
  
Willi the hobbit, who everyone had forgotten, shrugged and walked away in the direction of Bree, whistling an old travelling song.  
  
  
  
The End.  
  
A/N: I know, I'm sick, but don't flame me! It's hot enough already down here in the infamous crack in the earth. I was just so frickin' sick of all the Mary Sue stories that I decided I give one a twist. By the way, I'm a huge Legolas fan, and I love Frodo, so don't think I killed 'em off because I didn't like them. 


End file.
